I AM HAVING A HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW

Deadspin comes through again to let us know that Freddie “FredEx” Mitchell, washed-up shit-talking ex-receiver for the Philadelphia Eagles, was recently working as a substitute HS teacher in Mishawaka, IN:

Supposedly the woman who was his kid’s mother lives in town, and he needed some extra money. He lasted all of one week, due to the fact that he was caught asking girls for their phone numbers.

More on the awesomeness of FredEx:

I went to HS about 4 miles from Mishawaka High School, was in a band with a couple guys from there, and lived in Mishawaka for about 4 years, which is why I’m flipping out about this.