Stepping outside the static

Today I walked outside.

This isn’t noteworthy for that fact alone, but because I wasn’t going anywhere. I very, very rarely leave my apartment without the intention of going somewhere; usually work, but occasionally to run an errand. The time spent outside is very rarely any more than necessary to walk the 15 paces to my car.

In the car, the radio is always on. Sometime music; more often sports talk radio. At home, the TV is always on. Griffin is always playing with a toy or being fussy or needing attention. I always have the laptop nearby, and I spend probably 70% of my time looking at the same websites over and over.

Since I was a little kid, my ears have rung. I have a constant high-pitched ringing 24/7/365, and I have since I was 8 or 9. I very rarely notice it anymore, because it’s with me all the time. The constant din of media and activity is like that ringing. It’s a perpetual white noise that follows me everywhere. It’s there all the time, so I just tune it out. It’s “normal,” so I don’t perceive it.

The problem is, even though I don’t notice it, it still affects me. I know this because when I stepped outside, set my white plastic lawn chair on the grass and sat down, I felt much more at ease than I had in a long time. My anxiety about pratically everything dissipated. I felt the world moving around me, and I knew that it would be… okay.

I’ve acquired many things. I own tons of DVDs and games and computer junk. But none of them ever make me feel as right with the world as sitting outside did today.

  • MCSquared
    03/26/2003 11:46:40 AM

    I know what you mean. I used to take time for meditation, and it is one of the best things to restore that basic sense of well-being.

  • Sir Nose
    03/30/2003 10:44:11 AM

    I am Sir Nose. I can’t go outside, I never will go ouside. Keep me plugged in to the big media.

    Honestly though, since I got hip to thinking like this I can’t stand the sound of the TV. I try to spend about a 3rd of my time driving without the radio. What’s happened now, is my hearing has become more sensitive.

    I’m always just searching for a silence. What I’ve started to notice is that my computer (even my powerbook) make all sorts of noise. It drives me up the wall!

    I’ve also started to replace certain lightbulbs that make noises. There’s electronics all over my house that make little hums and hisses. Am I going crazy or what?!?

    But sitting outside, or going to for a hike, that’s the only true relief.

  • jon
    03/31/2003 05:14:42 PM

    dude—crazy i also have a constant ring as well, and in the same manner have tuned it out. you made me remember it though and my right ear’s killing me now! :)

    that aside, being outside is definitely a good thing, getting away from stuff—odd how “stuff” draws you to it so much, but offers little in the way of a “deep happiness”. there’ve been so many times where, at the end of a work day, i feel “dirty”, for lack of a better word, and need to just break the heck out of side.


  • rimoaine
    04/14/2003 11:25:57 AM

    i know this moise. Its like when you know the computer or tv is on as they give off this 20k sound that you just tune out to but this noise is much higher and i ve never known a time when i didnt hear it. Since i was a young child its been there. Ive read in books that its a frequency net around the planet and that they increase it each night to block out psychic activity. Thats why its best to sleep in the day because its lower. Have you found that you sleep better when you get an afternoon nap rather than a night time sleep. I can sleep on my back during the day but not at night.Its a shame really as your body can heal betterv when your spine is straight as your body can get better circulation so you produce more growth hormone. I notice all the frequencies of computers, tv, radio, even irons, they all give off emf and its making me search for a solution, not just something to drown it out but something to silence it.